YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
