my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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