Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
