I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
