at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
