We named our party play list daddy issues
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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