They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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