yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
