Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
