She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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