i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
