doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
