Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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