OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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