after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
