I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
