There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i think im in europe. pls send help
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
