It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
