i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
