he puts the penis in happiness.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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