but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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