I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
