i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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