Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
