I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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