so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
