whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
