is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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