Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
