i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
