I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
