I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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