Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
