so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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