So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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