don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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