We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
