She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
