I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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