I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
