It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
