I wanna bring you to show and tell
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
