He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
