The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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