It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
