Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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