Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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