He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Boobs are out for the taking
My penis needs a shock collar
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
