you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
