I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
