I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
