just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
