When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
