We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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